Just taking a moment to say, "AGHHHH!" What in the world was I thinking? Did I have a death wish? Baseball, soccer, book fair, PTO, college class, classroom volunteer, calling, homework, driving school, new exercise routine, book club...do you think I might have over done it this month? I am thinking YES!! What is it about us that makes saying "no" such a excruciating experience? Is it being a woman? Is it being an over achiever? Is it being LDS? Is it taught to us when we are young and impressionable? Is it hereditary? Is it a combination? Whatever it is, it needs to stop. The guilt must go. Bring on the freedom of deciding where to spend my time and efforts based on need and desire rather than a sense of duty and guilt. More than likely they will overlap but the insane drive to do all needs to be resisted, quelled, extinguished.
Got an email from our 4-H leader, and though I did warn her in May, the thought of saying 'No, I can't help with anything' is very hard. Luckily she is a member and I can say "Good. Better. Best" and she understands but it is still hard not to help with such a great program. Doubly hard is telling her Tori doesn't really want to do it anymore. (Though I think that is more out of laziness than not liking sewing)
After a brief reflection, I realize this rant originated by the lack of time to clean and do laundry. I am simply not home during the day. Hence, these dreaded deeds become late pm duties that are much loathed and put off. I'd rather be in bed...or at Susanne's girl movie night..:(~~~ ....but must bite the bullet (and some Diet Coke) and get it done because, heaven forbid, you have a dirty house and no clean clothes to wear. Geez.
Ok, I have successfully put off doing all the above mentioned things for another 15 minutes. Got some steam off my chest and is possibly ready to go to work. May need to pop open another Coke and search out my own movie (in place of the one I am missing :( Maybe Persuasion so I can have a good reason to cry? Or Return of the King..to remind me that women can kick butt - Miranda Otto is awesome) but eventually the mission will be accomplished. And really, that is all that matters.
2 comments:
i am the worst at finding balance. when i slow down and have free time, i seem to get depressed. when i'm running like a mad woman, i seem to be stressed out. i can't figure out how to be in the middle where everything works well.
How often do we step back and go "what was I thinking" --- lots and lots and over and over. We just never learn. But then, so many of those things are so worthwhile and good in the end. We just have to get through them.
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